Can't stand the artificiality of the modern-day holiday season? Despair not -- there's an alternative, a more relaxed tradition that's coming back into vogue two thousand years after its first heyday. No, not Solstice -- Festivus! The holiday made its modern debut on an episode of Seinfeld, where we saw Frank Costanza plague his son George come wintertime with a twisted celebration involving an undecorated metal pole and such rituals as "feats of strength" and "the airing of the grievances." Since then, a surprising number of people have adopted Festivus as their own, and now journalist Allen Salkin has written a book exploring the phenomenon (Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us, Warner Books, $14.95, paperback). Earthling correspondent Maura Judkis chatted with Salkin about his exploration of the surprisingly legitimate holiday.

What prompted a book on Festivus? A friend of mine told me he was going to a Festivus party in Ohio and I said, "What, from Seinfeld?" So I wrote a story for The New York Times... and then I kept hearing more and more about it. I knew that I had struck gold -- it was like I had discovered punk rock. So I set about mining that vein.
What was the most surprising thing you discovered in your research? That Festivus dates back to ancient Roman times. It was kind of like Mardi Gras -- it was the one time the lower classes could get drunk in public and have orgies and go nuts. The spirit of the holiday is that people do what they want to do, not what people tell them to do, and it's remained constant throughout the millennia.
What was the oddest Festivus tradition you encountered? At an art space in Phoenix called the Alwun House, they have an annual erotic poetry and music Festivus. This one has almost nothing to do with Seinfeld -- it goes back to the carnival-like scene of Rome. You walk in and see women dressed as Playboy bunnies, people dancing and smearing themselves with flammable gel, even a man arguing with a sock puppet that's supposed to represent a certain part of the male anatomy.
Let's hear you air three grievances right now. I guess the first one would be that the new diner that opened near my house serves terrible food and isn't open 24 hours like a real diner should be. That really makes me mad.
Wait, it makes you mad that it's terrible and that it isn't open long enough for you to eat more of it? No, I want them to be open longer and have great food. The next thing is that I hate that if you ask for the music to be turned down wherever you are, you get labeled as old or uncool. I think silence is cool. And next, I wish gas prices would stay three dollars a gallon, so that people will start making environmentally friendly decisions. It makes me mad that people won't conserve until they feel it in their pocketbook.
If you could have a fantasy feat-of-strength matchup, what two celebrities would you match, and what would their feat be? Oooh -- I would match up the guy that played Frodo, Elijah Wood, with the guy that played Sam (Sean Astin). I'd want them to take turns competing in a greased-hog wrestling contest. The winner would be the one that pins the hog faster. I think Sam would win because he has slightly stronger chest muscles.
What do you have against Elijah Wood? I hate how lovey-dovey they were in Lord of the Rings, so syrupy. I'd like to see them wrestle a pig and see how syrupy they stay. I want to hear some profanity from those guys.